It was a typical California day – sunny, breezy, and full of life. I was on a business trip, enjoying ice cream just a stone’s throw from the beach. Laughter filled the air as our conversation meandered away from work. Then, the topic shifted, and someone mentioned a friend of a friend who had died by suicide.
Suddenly, a familiar wave of nausea washed over me, a heavy ache settling in my chest. My coworker’s next words intensified the unease: he confessed he couldn’t comprehend what could drive someone to believe ending their life was the only solution.
I took a deep breath, the air catching in my throat. “I do,” I finally said, the words feeling foreign as they left my lips. “I completely understand. I’ve been there.” It was the first time I had ever spoken these words aloud to colleagues.
Silence hung heavy in the air as my coworkers stared, surprise etched on their faces. Eventually, someone dared to ask, “What’s it like to want to die?” And so, I described the physical agony, the crushing exhaustion, the overwhelming weight of it all. I tried to paint a picture of a body and mind ravaged by an unseen illness, a desperate yearning for release from unbearable suffering.
The recent news has been heavy with stories of despair. The deaths of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade by suicide last year sent shockwaves through many. Closer to home, we’ve heard of children in our friends’ communities attempting to take their own lives, leaving congregations reeling. Our hearts ache for those in such profound pain.
My colleagues’ stunned faces remain vivid in my memory. They had never been given a glimpse into the experience of suicidal ideation. In that moment, they began to grasp, even if just a little, the depth of such despair. It was a stark reminder of how often the church, meant to be a beacon of understanding and compassion, often falls short in understanding depression and suicide.
We, as Christians, are called to be the light of the world, a refuge for the broken and weary. But if we remain ignorant of the darkness some people endure, how can we effectively reach them within it? Here are crucial truths every Christian needs to understand about suicide and depression:
It’s More Than Just “in Your Head”
The term “mental illness” can be misleading, suggesting the problem is solely within our thoughts. However, depression is not just a state of mind; it’s a physical illness with profound effects on the body. WebMD lists numerous physical symptoms of serious depression, highlighting that it manifests in tangible ways. Chronic pain can emerge or intensify. Chest pain, persistent migraines, digestive issues, and a compromised immune system are just some of the common physical manifestations.
There’s a deep-seated weariness that becomes an ever-present companion. No amount of sleep or caffeine can dispel it. When individuals describe being unable to get out of bed due to depression, they’re not exaggerating. This physical paralysis is a real symptom.
That day at the beach, I tried to convey the physicality of depression to my coworkers. It felt as if every cell in my body was fighting against gravity, yearning to collapse. My skin was hypersensitive, my throat constantly constricted by a painful lump. At my lowest point, I became dangerously underweight because even the thought of food was repulsive.
Suicide Is Not a Selfish Act, But an Act of Perceived Selflessness
The notion that suicide is the ultimate selfish act is a harmful misconception. For many battling the intense darkness of depression, dying feels like the most selfless option. Depression often breeds a crippling sense of self-loathing and worthlessness. In those dark depths, I was convinced I was a burden, toxic to those I loved. The thought that my own death would be a relief, a kindness to others, was a recurring and powerful delusion.
This is a common thread in stories of suicidal ideation. One mother shared that she believed her husband would be better off with a new, capable wife and mother for their child – someone not burdened by her illness. My friend, Pastor Steve Austin, a dedicated servant of God, nearly died because he was convinced his death was the best thing for his wife and young son. Thankfully, Steve survived. His journey included hospitalization, medication, and finally finding the support within his community that had been absent within his church.
Depression Isn’t Always Sadness; It Can Be Numbness
It’s crucial to understand that depression is not simply sadness, as this insightful article explains. It’s a far more complex and multifaceted experience. Depression can manifest as a profound emptiness, a sense of flatness, persistent irritability, or a strange emotional numbness. Many individuals seeking help for depression initially only report physical symptoms because they don’t feel “sad” in the way society often expects.
For me, the first sign was often a pervasive brain fog. The world seemed to slow down, yet I still couldn’t keep pace. The overwhelming desire for sleep wasn’t just due to exhaustion; sleep became an escape, a temporary refuge from the oppressive reality of depression.
Faith Alone Is Powerful, But Not Always the Only Answer
In 2013, a Lifeway Research study revealed a concerning statistic: nearly half of evangelicals believe that prayer and Bible study alone can overcome serious mental illness. While the power of faith is undeniable, this misconception can prevent people from seeking the comprehensive help they desperately need.
I experienced this firsthand. No matter how many scriptures I recited, how many prayers I uttered, how diligently I followed all the spiritual advice I received, I remained ill. Miraculous healing didn’t come in that instant.
Undoubtedly, God is powerful and capable of instant healing. And sometimes, milder forms of depression do naturally remit, much like some cancers go into remission. This can, unfortunately, reinforce the dangerous belief that seeking medical intervention indicates a lack of faith. Christians must understand that prayer and immersing oneself in scripture are vital components of a holistic self-care plan, offering spiritual strength and comfort.
However, for many, these spiritual practices alone are not sufficient to combat severe depression. It wasn’t until I started medication and began seeing a licensed therapist weekly (recognizing that pastoral counseling, while valuable, often lacks the specialized training needed for severe depression and suicidal ideation) that the oppressive darkness began to lift, and the constant ache in my chest finally subsided.
I am profoundly grateful that God works through various means, including medication and skilled professionals, just as much as through miraculous, instantaneous healing. He remains the ultimate source of all healing and is glorified when we utilize all the resources He provides, both spiritual and medical.
Deep Faith Doesn’t Immunize Against Mental Health Struggles
The false belief that those deeply connected to God are immune to suicidal thoughts or mental health challenges is not only untrue but dangerously stigmatizing. It wrongly equates mental health struggles with a lack of faith or even sin.
If we believe depression and suicidal thoughts are indicators of spiritual failing, shame and fear will prevent individuals from seeking help. They may fear judgment from both God and their faith community. But the truth is, God is compassionate and gracious. He is not waiting to punish us for our suffering, but to offer solace and healing. His love is unwavering even in our darkest moments.
Depression and suicidal thoughts are indiscriminate; they do not care about one’s level of spirituality or devotion. Many devout believers and dedicated church leaders grapple with these challenges. I certainly did.
I was actively involved in ministry – serving, preaching, leading worship, participating in mission trips, leading Bible studies – all while battling suicidal thoughts and profound hopelessness. The internal struggle was immense, hidden beneath a veneer of service and faith.
Consider Steve, whom I mentioned earlier. He was a youth pastor when he attempted suicide. He was deeply knowledgeable about scripture, skilled in prayer, and fully aware of all the “right” spiritual responses. Yet, these very truths only amplified his shame. The stigma associated with being a pastor struggling with mental illness felt unbearable.
Depression and suicide rates are sadly increasing across the nation. We must abandon the assumption that those we admire and love within our faith communities are somehow immune to these battles.
“Choosing Joy” Isn’t a Simple Solution for Clinical Depression
The well-intentioned but often misguided advice to “choose joy” or simply “stop thinking about it” is frequently offered to those struggling with depression. While cultivating joy and focusing on others are valuable aspects of a healthy life, they are insufficient and even invalidating for someone in the throes of clinical depression.
When death feels like the only escape from unbearable internal torment, simplistic platitudes are not helpful. Worse, they can become another layer of pressure, forcing individuals to mask their pain and pretend to be “joyful” when they are internally crumbling. This was my experience – actively involved in ministry, wearing a smile, while secretly wishing for an end to the suffering.
Offering genuine empathy, saying “I’m so sorry you’re hurting,” and simply being present with someone in their pain is infinitely more helpful than suggesting they merely “choose joy.” Creating a safe space for honesty might be the very thing that saves a life.
Suicidal Thoughts Are Intrusive and Unwanted
Suicidal thoughts are often intrusive, unwanted, and feel like a horrific invasion of the mind. They appear unbidden, like a terrifying movie playing on repeat in one’s head. We are forced to witness our own demise over and over. At times, it’s terrifying, at other times, it can feel like a perverse form of relief, a cessation of pain.
Years ago, I was part of a vibrant church in Atlanta, co-directing a non-profit and actively involved in youth ministry. Students looked up to me, seeking guidance and wisdom. No one suspected the depth of my internal struggle, the constant horror movie playing in my mind.
One particularly difficult Sunday, I stood alongside my students in worship, desperately trying to focus on Jesus. I poured out my love and promised to praise Him regardless of my feelings. But when I closed my eyes, the intrusive image that flashed before me was of my own body hanging from the rafters of the church.
I told no one.
Fear and Shame Often Silence Those Who Need Help
Those struggling with suicidal thoughts are acutely aware that these thoughts are not “normal” or “healthy.” They understand that discussing them can be deeply uncomfortable and frightening for others. So, we often fight to suppress them, berating ourselves for having such “hideous” thoughts. If someone has been in therapy for a while, they might begin to recognize these thoughts as symptoms of an illness, distortions of reality, lies whispered by the darkness.
But often, we don’t. We are left battling in silence, convinced we are uniquely broken and beyond help.
Depression Can Lie and Tell Us God Has Abandoned Us
Depression is a master liar. When healing doesn’t come in the way we expect or hope for, it’s easy to succumb to the devastating lie that God has forsaken us. If we’ve internalized the false teaching that depression and suicidal thoughts are sinful, selfish, or displeasing to God, we may tragically conclude that God is justified in abandoning us.
This is precisely why we must approach depression and suicide with the same compassion, understanding, and practical support we offer those facing other serious health issues. Kindness and genuine encouragement from fellow believers are profoundly powerful. They become tangible evidence of God’s presence and unwavering love in the midst of despair.
Loving Jesus and Battling Depression Are Not Mutually Exclusive
If you are struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, know this truth deeply: your life is still valuable, still purposed, still capable of serving and blessing others. You can wholeheartedly love Jesus and still wrestle with the darkness. You may continue to struggle. There may be days when the desire to die feels overwhelming. But you are no less loved, no less worthy, no less faithful because of these dark thoughts. And, even when it feels impossible to believe, a full, joyful life is still attainable, even amidst ongoing depression.
It will require effort, commitment, and significant support from trained professionals. It will likely involve therapy, confronting painful realities, and possibly medication. But abundant life, a life filled with purpose and even joy, is possible. I know because I am living it.
I still take medication daily, prioritize time with Jesus each morning, and attend therapy consistently. I am open with those closest to me about my difficult days and intrusive thoughts because I am determined they will not win. Years into this journey, the struggle continues, but my life is also beautiful, and I am genuinely happy.
You can experience this too. Please, invest in your well-being. Take concrete steps towards healing:
- Reach out immediately: Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text with someone at the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741. Program these numbers into your phone right now. Support is available 24/7.
- Schedule a doctor’s appointment: Make an appointment with your primary care physician or a mental health professional. If finances are a barrier, explore free or reduced-cost clinics in your area that offer mental health services.
- Find someone you trust to talk to: You are not a burden. Your life is precious and important, and the world is better because you are in it.
It’s Easier Than You Think to Be a Lifeline
Earlier, I mentioned the distorted belief that my death would be a blessing to others. I am still here because one friend, Angela, noticed something was deeply wrong and took action.
Angela invited me to dinner, included me in everyday activities like blackberry picking with her children, and consistently reminded me of my value to her family. She spoke words of love and affirmation, assuring me that my brokenness was not a fault and that God grieved my pain. She simply walked alongside me in my darkness.
One sweltering July night, when I was exhausted from fighting to stay alive, I found myself on her doorstep because I knew it was a safe place. Angela and her family became my refuge, guiding me through the darkest valley.
When I desperately needed Immanuel, God With Us, she embodied His presence in my life. She helped me believe I was loved and that my life mattered.
Often, saving a life is as simple as being Jesus to someone – being present, offering love, and being a source of light in their darkness. Christ, the “hope of glory,” dwells in you (Colossians 1:27). You don’t need all the answers or the ability to “fix” them. You simply need to be present, perhaps offer to help them make a doctor’s appointment, or just listen without judgment. Be aware of those around you who might be hurting. Be kind.
Those struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts need you to enter their darkness and sit with them, offering unwavering love. You can be Christ’s arms to hold them, His hands to nourish them, His voice to reassure them they are not alone. Your love and kindness are more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
Depression and suicide are incredibly serious issues, and my heart aches for anyone facing them.
If you need to talk or are concerned about someone you know, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text with someone at the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741.
